Lazy elf = less work!

I just saw a pin on Pinterest that was captioned something like “350+ ideas to get you started with your Elf.” WTF? Exactly how many days do they think are in December? And why has this cute, innocent little holiday tradition (which let’s face it started out as a one-month behavior modification project) turned into ways to waste my precious time after the kids go to bed? Also, can someone tell me why it is ok for the elf to be getting into trouble, when he’s basically hanging around all day reporting any bad behavior from our kids to Santa? Any self-respecting kid should at least be asking their parents that question.

What possesses people to set the bar so high on such a total non-issue? Not to mention one that is a vicious cycle of annoying crazy. Has keeping up with the Joneses really come to this? Instead of hoping for a better education, career or maybe world peace; to be able to stand proudly at your local park or play date during the Christmas season you have to be at the ready with your latest elf mischief horse-shit story.


The pictures and ideas for your family’s elf that I have come across this year are killing me!

One list was 101 things to do with your elf because “you are running out of ideas.” Oh hell no. I’d say about 79 of the suggestions involved a most ridiculous amount of effort to make them happen (not to mention cleaning them up). Why can’t the elf being doing helpful things like sweeping or unloading the dishwasher?

I can just imagine these pompous little shits, I mean kids, growing weary of their mom just moving the elf at night. To really be entertained they  now need their elf to have pillow fights (feathers every where), marshmallow fights (marshmallows every where) or laundry fights (laundry every where), food fight (flour every where). What’s with the paraphernalia being every where? Does this mother have a maid that likes to clean up “every where?”

Here’s some other gems that make me want to poke my eye out with a candy cane:

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Are you shitting me?

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Yeah, not gonna happen.

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I will kill you.

More Elf on the Shelf ideas

So now what? Nobody can pee here all freakin’ day?

Our elf is really adventurous. So far he’s been on a stack of magazines, in the window sill and hanging from the dining room lamp. And guess what? My kids couldn’t have been more excited to find him and then move on with their day. Ain’t that a turd in your egg nog, all you overachiever elf parents?

Oh and the fourth day when I already forgot to give Elton (yes, our elf’s name is Elton) a new post, I calmly said “Wow, he must have been so tired he couldn’t make the trip back to the North Pole last night.” Yeah, she bought it. But I did quickly stick a post-it to my bathroom counter to move that little bastard each night because I don’t know how many “tired nights” R is going to believe.

So have fun cleaning up the canned goods the elf pulled out of your pantry and placed strategically around your kitchen. Sounds like a super fun time! Let me know how the rest of the month works out for you.

Bah-humbug (just a little when it comes to unnecessary holiday crap), S

ps – If you are interested, this site has some really fun adult elf situations going on.

5 Highly Inappropriate & Traumatizing Elf On The Shelf Ideas

Too funny.


My favorite holiday greeting yet!

This lady knows what I’m talking about!


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